two hundred and fifty three
Sunday, February 17, 2008 @ 12:36:00 AM
today ive completed de last bit of packing for my room
including de clothes de heaps and heaps of clothes
come monday ill bid goodbye to de room ive known and lived in for 15 years
15 darn years
so now its all empty
and im living a vagrants lifestyle
ala cardboard boxes
come monday everything will disappear
de once shared room with my sister will officially be mine
gone will be de two single beds
gone will be de blue theme of de room to which i kinda got accustomed to alr
gone will be my boxes and boxes of nonsense that i splurge on
but memories linger on in de room
every corner every site brings back tonnes of painful memories
so it might be a good thing as de structures come down
i hope its de same for my internal chaos
somedays i wake up perfectly fine, smiling to myself that ive made it thus far
somedays i dont even wanna wake up to face de drudgery of life
somedays im glad there are still memories
somedays i wish i could erase all of it
somedays i think i can accept things as it is
somedays i really hate you
somedays i hate myself for tormenting myself
perversity
i remembered miss lee thought us de concept of perversity
edgar allan poe - de imp of perversity
i have vage impressions of de things she taught in gothic
but de ideas she raised in imp of perversity are deeply entrenched within my mind
to me it explains many of de irrational choices and decisions we make
provides reasons why we go against wad our brain tells us to do
why we reject something so basic and commonsensical
you said we could be friends ive moved on and all i want is to keep de friendshipbut do you EVER treat me as a friendits de biggest mistake of my life to commitempty promisestonnes of empty promises but who am i to you for you to keep your word