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Images that tell us more about ourselves than we realize.
They remind us of the long journey we’ve taken.
The loved ones who traveled alongside of us.
Those we lost along the way.
And those waiting for us on the road ahead.
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Sihui Ng
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The Two-Cow Basis of All Ideology
Wednesday, November 23, 2005 @ 9:27:00 PM
SOCIALISM You have two cows but are required to give one to your poorer neighbor.
FACISM You have two cows, the government takes both and then sells you the milk.
NAZIISM You have two cows, the government takes both and shoots you.
LIBERALISM You have two cows but sell one because your pasture fails environmental impact review.
In conservatism you have two cows but as a capitalist, you sell one and buy a bull.
LIBERTARIANISM You have two bulldogs because every individual can do as they darn well please! FEUDALISM You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need. FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. PURE COMMUNISM You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. CHINESE COMMUNISM You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. DICTATORSHIP You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. PURE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.PURE ANARCHY You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to take the cows and kill you. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. A HINDU CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You worship them. AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute... AFRICAN CORPORATION You have 2 Cows. You pay a hefty sum and tax breaks for foreign investors to milk them. The foreign investor milks everything, refines and sells a tiny part of it to you on Credit. Your cows starve as the money you would have used to buy food has to be used to pay your debts to the foreign investors. You travel everywhere begging for Debt relief but the foreign investor won't budge if there's still milk left in the cows. In the meantime the Leaders have SPLIT the little milk available, and everybody is fighting everybody and pointing fingers over the split milk. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
